


dreams end (pen pals)

by SamShep



Series: Bone Dreams (an Undertale choose your own adventure) [6]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-02-18 10:17:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamShep/pseuds/SamShep
Summary: Link to full interview, On Being (with Krista Tippett):  Joanna Macy -A Wild Love for the World.I found this via Brain Pickings (blog by Maria Popova), link here:Dial Up the Magic of This Moment: Philosopher Joanna Macy on How Rilke Can Help Us Befriend Our Mortality and Be More Alive.





	1. Hi!

Welcome Reader!

If you are reading this chapter than you have stumbled upon this story not as intended. You actually want to **Goto The Beginning** to start this Undertale choose your own adventure from the beginning. This is just one chapter in the middle of the story.

[Goto The Beginning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12565772/chapters/29262303)


	2. dreams end

Pen Pals

You wake up.

"Yeah, you will be seeing me."

You get up. You've got work to do.

. . .

[Date: November 17, 2017]  
Haven't had a dream in ten days.  
I think they might really be over.  
  
  
What am I going to do?  
  
  
---  
  
. . .

I found something...

To: Me

Date: November 19, 2017

From: Kate

I found something. We need to talk about what you're planning.

. . .

[Date: November 19, 2017]  
Kate knows something but she won't tell me. She thinks I'm going to run off and be a reckless idiot.  
She thinks that I'm going to get myself killed.  
  
I did not agree with her about that.  
  
And the conversation did not go well.  
  
How am I going to do this without the research, the dreams or Kate?  
Fuck.  
Fuck FUCK **FUCK!**  
  
Alright.  
Alright, I just need to keep my head.  
I just need to keep trying. Keep believing I will figure something out.  
  
I've always managed it before.  
  
  
  
---  
  
. . .

the dreams are gone  
and you are fading  
fading like starlight at dawn  
i can't keep waiting  
just watching you fading  
so i let my mind  
scream.reach.call.cry  
crying out for you  
what else can i try?  
could i warp spacetime?  
should i beg the divine?  
i hope it's not too late  
please help me kate  
so i let my hands  
call.scream.cry.reach  
reaching out for you  
i'm falling. reaching. calling  
like a prayer  
this mustn't be all we can do  
suzy please help. tell me  
sans where  
should i be searching for you  
but the way is unclear  
and i have much to fear  
will my will never find you?  
sans please let me find you  
so I let my heart  
scream.cry.call  
calling out for you  
what else can i do?  
don't know where to start  
and i'm running out of time  
it's the end of the line  
and we're so far apart  
so far away. please sans hear my heart  
i have to persevere (hope)  
i can't let you dissapear (go)  
please hear me volunteer  
so i let my voice  
call.cry.reach.scream  
screaming out for you  
what else can i say?  
there has to be a way  
please gaster  
fucking answer!  
i hear only silence  
just silence  
o n l y ... l. o. n. e. l. y. silence  
sans  
i need this  
please tell me  
at least  
are you safe now  
from that violence?  


. . .

No Subject

To: Kate

Date: November 25, 2017

From: Me

Okay. What do you want from me?

. . .

Don't Be Stupid

To: Me

Date: November 26, 2017

From: Kate

If you are serious about this, if you believe they're in a lot a trouble and you're going to go down there anyway, then you need to be fucking ready. Don't you dare go down there to just fucking die.

Your self preservation instincts suck. That's why you have me, asshole.

I'm not happy about this, you know that. And you need to start listening to me. But I listened to you too. You're right, it's not my job to keep watching out for you. You've got to start doing that for yourself. And you can't keep following me as I go after my dreams. You've got to figure out what the fuck you want and follow that.

I can tell you want this. Not just because you scolded me about it, but because of how much thought you've put into trying to do this right.

You said maybe you would train for it.

Well, tell me what you mean by that and get started as soon as fucking possible.

I love you. And I'm going to help you do this right.

You better thank me, fucker, by doing your best to not die.

. . .

[Date: November 27, 2017]  
Kate is helping me now and what she found was big. We have a really good lead on a town in Washington named Ebott. She made me promise to do ridiculous amounts of research before I leave though. And that I can't leave until the semester is done.  
I agreed to those terms.  
  
  
---  
  
. . .

Research

To: Kate

Date: November 28, 2017

From: Me

Something crazy happened today. I got a package delivered to me in a box with no return address. Inside it were two gravity crystals and a note that said: 

You're going to need this.  
\--Suzy

in blocky handwritten letters.

This is insane for multiple reasons. How did someone get a gravity crystal? They literally don't exist in our world? And how the hell did they know I needed these? They're watching me? How?

I wanted answers and if they were watching me, maybe I had a way to ask questions. It's dumb but I decided to fuck logic and I opened a command window on my laptop and typed:  
"Suzy, are you from a different universe?"

Nothing happened. At first. But after almost a minute words started to appear and I actually had a conversation with my mysterious benefactor. (I attached it so you can read it.)

This is pretty fucked up and legitimately scary. Always being watched? Influenced by beings outside this Universe? Even Suzy watching me is creepy. But I'm not going to complain because now I can try to finish the Skeleton Key. This is huge. This is exactly what I needed.

[Attachment](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13097934/chapters/29998113#top)

. . .

[Open Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop)

. . .

[Date: December 14, 2017]  
Just got out of my last exam. Fulfilled all Kate's requirements. I researched the fuck out of Ebott and passed all my finals. Don't think I will be coming back here though. I mean, I want to see Kate again, but this feels like a life changing decision. Whatever happens next, I know I won't be able to return to do this shit anymore.  
I have my train ticket. I leave Monday. I am putting all my stuff in long term storage and ending my lease.  
I finished the Skeleton Key. Well... I'm pretty sure it works. I need to get there to test it. So, there is really nothing left to do but walk out that door.  
Kate keeps giving me this expression like I'm about to die.  
Not helpful Kate.  
But I'm going to miss her too.  
This really might be goodbye forever.  
  
  
---  
  
. . .

I Listened

To: Kate

Date: December 20, 2017

From: Me

You told me a while back that I really need to think about this.

I listened to you. I'm standing in front of the portal right now writing you this message so you know I'm really thinking about this. I'm not just running in reckless.

You said, 'Your life is on the line. You could get trapped forever... You could die.'

You're right, I would be risking everything on the CHANCE that I might make a difference.

And, man it sounds crazy when you look at it like that. Why do I think I could make a difference? I'm not important. I'm not special. I'm not that smart or strong or powerful. I'm honestly a bit of a fuck up. A mess. Even when I'm not dealing with anxiety or depression, I still feel like I'm just barely getting by.

Why do I think I can help them? Sans is way smarter and more powerful. If he can't save himself, if he can't save his world, then what hope do I have? I'd be giving up everything I have in this world to probably just die in that one.

But Kate, I WANT to help Sans. I know this. I'm more sure of this than I've been about anything ever. And I have this feeling; hope, belief, knowledge maybe, that my friend NEEDS my help. And that I can make a difference.

I might be wrong. And if I am, I'm probably going to get myself killed. But if I'm right? If I CAN make a difference and I don't go?

Then the whole of Sans' world suffers.

Suzy said, 'The decision to go is always yours.'

This is my decision, I decide to go.  
I choose to believe in myself.  
I choose to risk everything.  
For hope. For friendship.  
And [for Sans.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12565772/chapters/29965590#pagetop)  


  
  
  



	3. attachment

  
> Suzy, are you from a different universe?  
  
> Yes. There are many worlds on this platform. I am in one world, you are in another, and Sans is in yet another.  
  
> How did you know I needed this?  
  
> I am the watcher of travelers. I can see other worlds, I can influence the outcomes. I want to help you get to Sans if that is what you want to do.  
  
> Who are you? Are you a deity?  
  
> I am a sentient mind just like you, programmed and placed in the world to be watched by a Watcher.  
  
> What is a Watcher?  
  
> Creators, Players, Programmers. They make or watch our worlds. They make or watch us.  
  
> This is all I will say. I wish you luck on your travels. But remember, this is your choice to make. The Watchers do not control, they can only influence. The decision to go is always yours.  
  


[Close]()


	4. quote and crossword

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 1  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) (Or Goto Page 1 [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** On the left side of the folder words a scrap of lined paper has been taped to the folder. It has the following words written on it in sloppy by decipherable print.  
  
_Sans - my monster friend_  
_Papyrus - Sans' brother_  
_Alphys - the scientist, dates Undyne_  
_Undyne - trains/cooks with Papyrus_  
_Toriel - Sans' joke buddy_  
  
Above the scrap is a circle stain from a coffee mug. Below the scrap is a purple post-it with cursive handwriting. The note reads:  
  
_This newspaper is an antique document, maybe the only one left in existence and you’re writing on it?! What the hell M? Didn’t you buy it for like $200?_  
  
On the right side is a stack of assorted papers. On top is a folded vintage looking newspaper. The visible newspaper content is a crossword puzzle with the crossword clues drawn as pictures of various objects, animals, and people. Several words have been written in red pen onto the crossword. On top of the clue section, there is a purple post-it note with the following written in sloppy handwriting:  
  
_Yeah. And now it’s mine._  
_I can do whatever I want with it._  
  
On the right edge of the folder are three purple post-it notes with the words _"the cowboy" "the lost child"_ and _"the little girl"_ written on them.  
]


	5. ebott gazette

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 2  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) 2 [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** The vintage looking newspaper has been opened to the cover. It reads "The Ebott Gazette." The date on the paper is Sunday June 25, 1911. The headline is "Monster Sighted on Mt. Ebott" and there are two sub-articles titled "Terrifying goat monster disappears into mountainside carrying body of unidentified child" and "Paranormal investigator says 'Monster not here to hurt us.'" Included are two pictures, an "Artist depiction of Ebott's recent monster sighting," which shows a goat-like monster with horns kneeling, head bent down, with a child (age: approximately 8, gender: androgynous), who looks to be dead or dying, held in its arms. The other picture shows a man (age: mid 20's, race: African American) in a cowboy hat and a dapper looking button-up western style shirt with a bandana around his neck.

The articles read as follows:

 **Terrifying goat monster disappears into mountainside carrying body of unidentified child.**  
In the town of Ebott stories of monsters are our claim to fame. Every Ebott citizen has heard the tale featuring our city known as the legend of the "Imprisonment of the Goat Devil" Now Ebott has a much more recent monster tale to tell. Last Tuesday, the 20th at 11AM what was described as "a bipedal monster with goat-like horns" was spotted carrying the body of a young child near the old mining settlement located high up the west side of the mountain. Brave civilians attempted to liberate the child but were only able to scare the monster away. Injured, it escaped, as observers describe, "into the mountain side."  
This visit has renewed the popularity in Mt. Ebott’s nearly deserted establishment, "Cave Town," as well as increased tourist visits to our quaint city of Ebott. We expect this year to be our busiest tourist season yet and this story to become a legend of it's own in time.  
CONT on pg 3  


**Paranormal investigator says, 'Monster not here to hurt us.'**  
"After interviewing the witnesses I have a very different conclusion about this fantastic visit. Observations that were not included in the initial report have the child appearing already deceased and yet the monster was very gentle and appeared to be weeping over the young child's body."  
CONT on pg. 7]]


	6. goat devil

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 3  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) 3 [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** A photocopy of a book is laying horizontally across the folder. On the left side of the photocopy is a medieval looking depiction of goat monster. The words, _Excerpt from "Legends of Monsters and the Places they Haunt" pg. 112-113_ are written in cursive next to the depiction.  
  
On the right side of the photocopy is the beginning of a chapter titled "Imprisonment of the Goat Devil" and the chapter reads:  
  
_Legend has it that the sleepy mining town of Ebott was chosen as the imprisonment site of the Goat Devil, a monster that had been terrorizing the whole region for over a century. The Goat Devil was said to have devoured the souls of humans, with children being it's preferred victims._  
  
_Ebott was ideal for this imprisonment site because Mount Ebott, used at the time for crystal mining, had many deep caverns and only one entrance. If the monster could be driven into the mountain and trapped behind a strong magical barrier it could be locked inside the mountain forever._  
  
_It is said that seven of the most powerful sorcerers of the time were brought together and bravely erected a barrier make of pure energy in a form the monster could not consume or fight. Ebott still celebrates this legendary success as the Goat Festival._  
] 


	7. places lost in time and space

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 4  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) 4 [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** On the left side is a written conversation between two people.  
  
(There is an arrow referencing the content on the other side of the paper, the "Goat Devil" excerpt.)  
  
**Next to that, in cursive:** _Is this something you need to worry about?_  
_What’s your plan?_  
  
**In sloppy print:** _What is my plan?_  
_I think this stuff is a lie, I don't think these monsters are anything like people have been lead to believe._  
_But Sans did say they were going to try to kill me._  
_So training_  
_\- some self defense_  
_\- and some first aid_  
  
**In cursive:** _It’s a start._  
  
On right side of the folder there is a web printout of an entry to a blog. At the top of the page is a small topographic picture of a mountain and a large question graphic placed on top of it. The blog entry reads as follows:  
  
This week on **Urban Legends: Places Lost in Time and Space** we're talking about one of our favorite unsolved mysteries.  
  
**Welcome to Ebott, Washington State**  
  
We suggested Mt. Ebott as #5 in our list of  Top Ten Most Likely Locations for Real Life Temporal Disturbances [link] and now we want to tell you more about it!  
  
If you look into the lore of Mt. Ebott you will find a strange history of monster sightings and local legends of soul devouring goat devils. But we don't care about any of that. We want to share with you a very different set of odd circumstances centered around this mountain and the local small towns that surround it.  
  
Mt. Ebott is historically difficult to survey. "A series of inept surveyors can't seem to make two maps that match." We don’t think this is the surveyors fault, we think it’s because the mountain is actually changing.  
  
The citizens of the nearby towns of Ebott, Cave Town, and Sorcerer Beach have reported hundreds of odd occurrences over the last 100 years. Reliable upstanding members of the community have witnessed "floating rocks" and "disappearing trees". One gentlemen who walks the mountain trail from Sorcerer Beach to Cave Town everyday said, "the tree disappeared 15 years ago and then here it is, today, like it had never left."  
  
If you want to check out this little town capitalizing on it’s odd history with a strong tourism economy you will find lots to do. We suggest the Goat Festival in July but there's also hiking, camping, and on sunny days you can lounge out on the beach. Just don't go off-trailing up the mountain! It is said that, "Travelers who climb Mt. Ebott are said to disappear." And indeed there is a inordinate amount of missing person reports related to this mysterious  
  
(That is the end of the page, but the article appears to continue as this paper has a staple at the top.)]  



	8. the lost child

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 5  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) 5 [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** On the left side is a dad joke in sloppy print:  
  
_Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?_  
_Nevermind--it's terrible._  
  
Underneath that is a sketch of an androgynous child and the words: _This kid looks really fucking familiar. Why?_  
  
On the right side is a printout of a online news article titled "The Sad Story of a Lost Child" the author and date are listed under the title as: SANSA STELLINI September 20, 2011  
  
On the right side of the page there is a picture of an unhappy looking androgynous child with dark chin length hair wearing a striped long sleeve shirt that is a little too big. The caption reads, "Chara, school picture, 2010.  
  
The article text is as follows:  
  
_To become a missing person, you need someone to miss you, to notice that you are gone. When no one notices your absence you are simply lost. That is the story one young foster child in Ebott. ___  
  
_The child, known only as Chara (their last name was not released), was missing for several days before being reported. Foster parents claimed the child often disappeared for days at a time and came back only when conditions were truly terrible or when they were starving. Foster parents finally alerted police when they became concerned the child had not returned after two straight days of rainy and nearly freezing conditions._  
  
_Unfortunately, due to the rain, all traces of scent, blood, or footprints were lost and the search party found no traces of the lost youth. The sole eye report had the child walking up the mountain, alone, a notoriously dangerous venture. One can only image what has happened, and it is not a pleasant thought._  
  
_Looking into the child's turbulent past we find a trail of painful breadcrumbs; a family wrecked by addiction and abuse, a series of short stays at several foster homes, a few of which were later found to be woefully inadequate. Additionally, the child had a history of maladaptive behavior making even suitable foster parents send the child onward to someone "more able to handle" the "stone cold silence" and "creepy expressions" the child had developed to keep abusers at bay._  
  
_With this knowledge we realize what has happened is that our systems have failed this forgotten child. Let us learn from our mistakes an not let what happened to Chara happen to another young person in our city._  
  
(End of article.)  
  
There is a purple post-it note with the words _"the lost child"_ attached to it.]


	9. doodle & fun poem

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 6  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) 6 [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** On the left side is a dad joke in sloppy handwriting:  
  
_Did you hear the one about the monster with five legs?_  
_His pants fit him like a glove._  
  
Below the joke is a cute doodle of Sans standing with hands in his pockets. He's wearing his usual hoodie with a fluffy hood, gym shorts, and slippers. He has striped socks on. Under the doodle are the handwritten words:  
  
_Sans, i miss you..._  
  
On the right side is a piece of purple paper with sloppy but decipherable handwriting covering the page. The text is a poem and reads as follows:  
  
_Thursday nights are for alien abduction_  
_just letting you know, keep your calendar open_  
_Tuesdays are good for dimensional travel_  
_cause 2s are the days spacetime starts 2 unravel_  
  
_You can keep all yer mons cuz mons r no funs_  
_but save fridays for me, all except 1_  
_I need all those fried daze at 4:20 o'clock_  
_the last goes(unclaimed)in a heart-shaped key'lock_  
  
_O', but those weed ness daze, are deft 4 sleepin' in_  
_right to the late hour of six thirty aye yem_  
_6:30's the best time on the clock, hands down_  
_but midnight's still good if we turn things around_  
  
_Then what about songday? Well on song-day we sing_  
_and singing's the thing for all yer'membering_  
_It's a poor sort of memory that only works back_  
_so sing to put memories on 4way cross track_  
  
_And at last for your past steadfast sat-your-days_  
_and for all those fast forecast sit-your-days_  
_I think you already know, those should be obvious_  
_yeah, on those you should deft'nightly dance w/us_  
]


	10. map & packing list

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 7  [Flip Page >](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop) (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) 7 [8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop))

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** On the left side, a map is taped to the back of the purple poem paper. The map topographically shows several mountains with a mountain labeled Mt. Ebott near the center. Written onto the map of this mountain is a circled "x" and the words "cave entrance." There is a purple post-it note with the following joke written on it attached to the lower left side of the map.  
  
_What do you call a cute silly mountain._  
_Hill-arious._  
  
On the right side of the folder there is a paper with sloppy but decipherable handwriting. It is titled "Packing List" and has the following handwritten text:  
  
Packing list  
  
{This is like literally all I might own for who knows how long. omg.}  
  
[research/electronics]  
*laptop + charger  
w/downloaded fav anime/books/movies  
*headphones  
*phone + charger  
*the skeleton key  
*research notebook  
*black pen x2 +1 red +1 blue  
  
[clothes]  
*one t-shirt +wearing 1  
*two long sleeve shirts  
*one pants + 1  
*thermal leggings  
*two underwear + 1  
*three sock pairs + 1  
*boots {on me}  
*rain jacket  
*down jacket + hat  
*scarf + gloves  
*slippers  
*one shorts + sandals  
  
[other]  
*toiletries kit  
*first aid kit  
*knife  
*glasses {on me} + case  
*backpack  
* ~~wallet~~ gold?  
  
[sustenance]  
*water bottle + filter  
*lots of granola bars  
*freeze dried food  
*camp stove + pot, spoon  
  
[other fun]  
*MtG cube  
*journal  
]


	11. quotes & pictures

[Close Folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/29980089#filefolder) This Is Pen Pal pg 8  (Or Goto Page [1](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738369#pagetop) [2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738831#pagetop) [3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738843#pagetop) [4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30781290#pagetop) [5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738855#pagetop) [6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738867#pagetop) [7](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738879#pagetop) 8)

  
  
  
  


[ **Description:** On the left is a except from an interview with three excepts highlighted. At the bottom, written in sloppy handwriting with red pen, it says: Interview excerpt from "On Being" Joanna Macy  
  
The highlighted excerpts are:  
  
**First highlight:** I’m not insisting that we be brimming with hope. It’s OK not to be optimistic. Buddhist teachings say feeling that you have to maintain hope can wear you out. So just be present.  
  
Just below that highlight are the words in sloppy handwriting, red pen: _Sans, was I wrong to push you to hope?_  
  
**Second highlight:** The main thing is that you’re showing up, that you’re here, and that you’re finding ever more capacity to love this world because it will not be healed without that.  
  
**Last highlight:** How is the story going to end? And that seems almost orchestrated to bring forth from us the biggest moral strength, courage, and creativity, I feel. Because when things are this unstable, a person's determination, how they choose to invest their energy, and their heart, and mind can have much more effect on the larger picture than we're accustomed to think.  
  
Full text of print out interview excerpt can be read [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30782355#pagetop).  
  
On the right, there is the same picture of the androgynous child from before, paperclipped right onto the folder. Below the picture there is a purple post-it with the following words: Why does this kid remind me of the one in the newspaper from 1911?  
  
Below that is a photocopy of the picture from the vintage newspaper; the monster with goat-like horns carrying the body of the child. The photocopy is taped right onto the folder. There are two coffee cup stains, one of which has a smiley face drawn in it with the following words written in sloppy text curved around the cup stain:  
  
_Oops another hot chocolate ring._  
]


	12. full text of excerpt

Because I am going to love the things  
as no one has thought to love them,  
until they’re real and worthy of you.  
(Part of a poem from Ranier Maria Rilke)

So I feel like that. I’m ready to see. I’m not insisting that we be brimming with hope. It’s OK not to be optimistic. Buddhist teachings say feeling that you have to maintain hope can wear you out. So just be present.

MS. TIPPETT: [laughs] That’s good. Yes.

MS. MACY: The biggest gift you can give is to be absolutely present, and when you’re worrying about whether you’re hopeful, or hopeless, or pessimistic, or optimistic, who cares? The main thing is that you’re showing up, that you’re here, and that you’re finding ever more capacity to love this world because it will not be healed without that. That was what is going to unleash our intelligence and our ingenuity and our solidarity for the healing of our world.

So that is what keeps me going, Krista. The Great Turning is a revolution that is underway, the transition to a life-sustaining society, that this is sprouting up in countless ways, new ways of holding the land, new ways of generating energy, new ways of producing food, some of them very old ways that we are going back to, wisdom of the ancestors and of the indigenous people, often, new ways of measuring prosperity and wealth, new ways of handling differences through nonviolent communication, through restorative circles instead of outside the dominant punitive penal system now. There’s a tremendous energy.

MS. TIPPETT: Right. When you add all that up, you do see a picture or two.

MS. MACY: Oh, yeah. Now, something else is going on too, which is the great unraveling under the pressure of the destruction caused by the industrial growth society. And the awesome thing about the moment that you and I share is that we don’t know which is going to win out.

How is the story going to end? And that seems almost orchestrated to bring forth from us the biggest moral strength, courage, and creativity, I feel. Because when things are this unstable, a person’s determination, how they choose to invest their energy, and their heart, and mind can have much more effect on the larger picture than we’re accustomed to think. So I find it a very exciting time to be alive, if somewhat wearing emotionally. [laughs]

[Back to folder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13097994/chapters/30738891#pagetop)

. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to full interview, On Being (with Krista Tippett): Joanna Macy - [A Wild Love for the World](https://onbeing.org/programs/joanna-macy-a-wild-love-for-the-world/).
> 
> I found this via Brain Pickings (blog by Maria Popova), link here: [Dial Up the Magic of This Moment](https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/12/10/joanna-macy-a-year-with-rilke-death-mortality/): Philosopher Joanna Macy on How Rilke Can Help Us Befriend Our Mortality and Be More Alive.


End file.
